Dual....:-)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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