College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
