I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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