we're chasing vodka with high fives
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
