I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
