his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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