Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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