I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize