captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
