I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
