She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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