when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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