Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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