I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
