I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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