Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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