there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize