Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
