This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize