So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This baby is an asshole
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
