But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
