How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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