My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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