just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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