I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
