Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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