just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
