maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
