Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize