i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
