I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
