Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize