this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
