i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
