I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i now understand why vodka
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
