How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
