Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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