Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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