I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Alive.
So much puke
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
