Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
