No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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