i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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