so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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