i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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