Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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