just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
