I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
