Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
