Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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