the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
