Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
