About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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