I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
