I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
