I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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