She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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