i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
