Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
