Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
