No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize