It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
