He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
