bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
