her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There's even glitter on my cock...
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