clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
