Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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