Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
