They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
