Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
