DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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