i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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