It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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