so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just found puke in my bra..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
