As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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