her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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