His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize