I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
