woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize