Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
