all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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