Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So squirting runs in the family.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize