there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
