Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
