She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize