I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
