I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
