I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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