I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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