So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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