Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize