It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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