He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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