Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
