Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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