so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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