pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
