i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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