You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
