At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
