Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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