and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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