How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
