Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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