thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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